Being self-aware means knowing your likes, dislikes, desires, and preferences to help direct your choices and energy in ways that are most likely to satisfy you and meet your holistic needs. It sounds so obvious and simple for achieving for real wellness, yet so many of us live our lives without this awareness. Spending time consciously considering and working out your priorities is a key part of building your self-awareness.
When I use the term ‘priorities’, I’m talking about carving out time for the things that light up your life. For me, these things include quality time moving my body in nature or being with my friends and family having a laugh. Surprisingly, hosting my retreats and creating these weekends of beauty does too. Less surprisingly, sharing an instance of honest connection and emotion with my patients fills my soul; it leaves me feeling nothing short of privileged and blessed to witness these vulnerable and important moments.
Just as identifying and embodying your values is important to self-awareness, so is identifying your priorities to factor them into your life. Both are important to real wellness, yet they are two very different things. Values are how you wish to be when you do stuff (for instance, loving) and priorities are what you wish to be doing and spending your resources on (for instance, time with kids). If you had all the freedom in the world, you’d probably fill your days enjoying your priorities. Common priorities include nurturing your physical health with exercise, doing your best at work and producing quality work outcomes, spending time with family and loved ones, getting quality sleep, and travelling.
Priorities naturally change with time and context. One year you may prioritise raising your children and the next you might put time and resources into your residence; maybe there’s a renovation to focus on. This is normal and appropriate, as new life events come and go with each passing season.
It’s a useful practice to mindfully reflect on your priorities each new year or whenever you feel life veering off in ways that are not working for you. Be open to the idea of your priorities changing over time, and again, reserve judgement if it arises within you. Simply move fluidly with them and trust your intuition on where to place your focus each year. It is a lovely adaptive practice to ritualise this reflection.
Some people go by the moon calendar to timetable self-enquiry. I use my sense of wellbeing: when I feel uneasy, unsatisfied, or unwell, I schedule time to reflect on my values, intentions and priorities and check in on my life, habits and choices. I enquire whether it’s all working in harmony, and if not, then why? Regularly checking in on what is most important to you is a clever practice to incorporate into your self-care routine. In my view, it’s way more effective for fostering real wellness than spending a whack of money on the latest wellnessy trend. All it costs is 10 minutes of your time, a pen, and a piece of paper!
One caveat to identifying your priorities is that you need to be honest with yourself. To be honest with yourself, you need to take any self-judgement out of the identification process. There’s no right or wrong priority. Your priorities don’t necessarily reflect your worth. They don’t make you ‘good’ or ‘bad’. They’re simply preferences that work for you. So, drop any shame and blame when getting to know your truth. It’s all okay. For example, the raw truth may be that you prioritise your work and career over anything else, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Some women may feel selfish or heartless if they prioritise their career over living as a domestic engineer. Because of perceived stigma about what a good mother does, many women suffer unnecessary guilt over preferring their work life to being a stay-at-home mum. If a parent who genuinely prefers their job to being a stay-at-home mum were to give up work to parent, they’re likely to end up resentful and even depressed. Their life dissatisfaction may impact their ability to be a happy and healthy mum. These mums are more satisfied if they work, and they’re even better mums for it.
Some men who prefer to parent than work may feel insecure about being a stay-at-home dad while their partner is the breadwinner. Sexism and gender stereotyping have no place when it comes to manifesting your unique lifestyle for ultimate wellbeing. Just tune into yourself and try to drop comparisons and concerns for what others may think about your choices.
If someone designed a life based on how they felt they ought to spend their time and energy, rather than how they really wished, then they’d risk feeling lost, unhappy, and unwell. Once we own our truth, no matter what it may be, we can make authentic choices that will work for us. If your priority is true for you, then spending time and energy on it will benefit your wellbeing. If you find yourself dedicating hours of your life to a false priority, you may notice a lack of wellbeing benefit. In this instance, reevaluate your priorities. Get into a safe space free of personal judgement and conditioning and ask yourself again, ‘What is most important to me right now?’ Stay honest and get real about your priorities for real wellness.
When you live a life with time for your priorities, you’re more likely to feel content, satisfied, and well. Most people thrive when living a balanced life with adequate time for their priorities. If you find yourself feeling unwell, check in on your schedule – whether you keep a diary or just have it in your head. Are you allocating protected time to savour the things you love? I look back on stages of my life when I was unwell and can see I invested energy in things that weren’t my true priorities. I was most unwell when my life choices reflected what I felt I ought to be doing. I became well once I knew my priorities and values and was able to carve out a life that enabled and embodied them.
Once your priorities are clear to you, it will be easier to notice if they take a back seat to other demands in your life, and you will have more opportunity to cultivate a balanced lifestyle of work and play.
Be kind to yourself if you’re not in the privileged position to choose how you spend your time. Let go of any envy or comparisons. Rather, focus on what you can do and start to navigate towards a lifestyle where you have more autonomy over your time. Design a life that can accommodate your priorities a little more. Create for yourself a silver lining to survive stages of life when you feel deprived of opportunities to enjoy the things you love. By simply being aware of your priorities, you will be more likely to notice when an opportunity does present itself, then steer your lifestyle accordingly. This self-awareness is important.
Times where our priorities are unable to be nurtured is a fact of life, and that’s okay. These periods won’t cause illness unless they’re protracted and extreme. Furthermore, there is always something you can do to change a situation – even if it’s the smallest tweak to your schedule. With a little creativity, flexibility, and skill, you can optimise your ability to live aligned with your priorities. Say your key priority is family time but you’re required to work away from home. You could schedule video calls to your loved ones twice a day, send letters in the post and plan a reunion together that everyone could look forward to. Living away from family can be detrimental to wellbeing but these small efforts may keep your family feeling connected (your priority) despite the challenge of being apart (the inconvenient reality at that time).
Look to reclaim time lost to procrastination. I, for one, could put my phone down in the evenings and turn to my husband for a chat on the couch or a cuddle! Consider small changes. Small changes are always possible.
Take back time that is frittered away on distractions and turn it towards your priorities. We all have some free time, whether it be after hours, on rostered days off, or when we’re sitting in front of the TV. These moments are so easy to fill with meaningless activities – what’s the weekly time spent on your phone, for example? Investigate opportunities to redirect any meaningless time consumption to your priorities. For example, going to bed earlier allows you to get up earlier and squeeze in that workout, or spend some time on a hobby.
But sometimes small adjustments to your lifestyle may not be sufficient to maintain your health and wellbeing. Sometimes big sacrifices or major life changes are called for. With self-awareness, you may discover that you’re living a life that isn’t sustainable or conducive to wellness and may even be costing your health. If this is the case, you need to be courageous and alter your commitments to make space for your priorities so you can live a life that meets your needs. This can be a scary position to be in and hard to grow through, but making major life changes in the pursuit of real wellness is likely to work out in the long run. As a young adult I recognised a need in me to live somewhere other than in a big city so I could spend time in nature, on a beach, and in a more relaxed environment. Relocating took a lot of time, hard work, planning and bravery. Today, everyone in my little family is thriving, and I suspect the move earned us an extra decade or two of longevity.
All doctors agree: prevention is the best treatment of all. Rather than finding yourself in a position where you must make big and challenging life changes to meet your needs, try to consider your priorities before taking on new commitments, roles and responsibilities. For example, before entering a contract, take the time to consider whether this new agreement is going to stop you from being able to prioritise putting time and energy into the things you love that contribute to your wellness. I have said no to amazing work offers because they would mean missing out on the things that matter most to me. Those decisions are hard at the time: I don’t take lightly turning down chances for income that will support my family and take pressure off my husband, and I don’t want to close the door on opportunities that might suit me in the future. But, in the end, making a decision in line with my priorities and values has always worked out for me. Being thoroughly aware of my priorities has always helped me when it comes to my planning and decision-making. As an indecisive Libran, I need all the help I can get!
Whether big or small life tweaks are required for you to enjoy more of what you love, the first step is to build your self-awareness and be aware of your holistic needs. Bringing insight to your priorities may be hard, and making all these life decisions and plans can be even tougher. You may find yourself needing professional support. Consider discussions with your doctor or engaging with a life coach or psychologist. Reaching out for help is a gift to yourself and to those you love, and if you have the resources for it, do it and pat yourself on the back! It is a privilege to access that kind of guidance but also requires courage: kudos to you.
Remember that whereas embodying your values is a real wellness power that can never be taken from you, living according to your priorities is a matter of privilege. You may not always enjoy the freedom to focus on your priorities. If you manoeuvre through tough times embodying your values, you’ll optimise your wellbeing by cultivating life meaning and purpose, come what may. If you are lucky enough to live a life aligned with both your values and your priorities, then you’re truly a master of your lifestyle. Celebrate living freely and fully. Celebrate your balance, your wellbeing, and your feelings of contentment. Go you!
